Unconditional Love
by AJ MatthewsElendor
Summary: A Kirin/Sellen fic by AJ and Elendor before Little Stranger. Read 'When Eyes Meet Eyes' for clarification of who Kirin and Sellen are. UPDATED, YES, I MANAGED TO GET MY ARSE IN GEAR!
1. Chapter 1.

A/n Yes people, AJ Matthews has taken Leave of her senses and is now writing a fic with me! (Foolish, foolish child…)  
  
It is the Presequel to Eyes meet eyes, Kirin and Sellen's POV, I do Kirin  
  
He's about six hundred, Looks like a fifteen year old basically  
  
Let the madness begin…  
  
Unconditional love  
  
Chapter One  
  
Jealousy and fear  
  
***********  
  
Kirin's POV  
  
***********  
  
By Elbereth,  
  
Was that it?  
  
That tiny little thing in mother's arms? * That* is what all the fuss is about?  
  
Mother looks so happy, she never looks at me like that, no, no one ever looks at me like they love me or need me, and now it will be even worse,  
  
Why have me father dearest, if you had no intent of acknowledging I'm alive…  
  
Here he comes now, shoving me out the way, wanting to see the other child that he will ignore for the rest of his life.  
  
"Well?"  
  
He asks mother, what a stupid question, that could mean anything, is it another boy? Is it well? Is it an elf?  
  
Mother dose that little happy smile again  
  
"Isn't he beautiful, my little golden angel…he's so perfect"  
  
He's going to be mothers favourite, it's so unfair, I always get shunned out of the way like I'm worth nothing, I probably aren't.  
  
Father's eyes narrow as he turns to us  
  
"Out, get out, I wish to speak with your mother alone"  
  
He looks at Gyre and Sellen, but not me, I almost want to stand there until he dose turn his cold eyes to me, but Guyre pushes me out of the door.  
  
"Come on Kirin, * move*"  
  
He shuts the thick wooden doors behind us and Gyre gives us his 'if-you- don't-shut-up-and-I-cant-hear-them-you-wont-wake-up-tomorrow'look, don't worry Gyre, I'd rather not.  
  
My eyes catch Sellen's, he's looking at attentive as Gyre  
  
I can hear them shouting behind the closed doors;  
  
"You will not see him again"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You will not see that brat again, name him if you please, then hand him over to one of the maids, he can share the boys room until I think of a suitable place for him to go"  
  
"You can't do this to me! You just can't do this to me!"  
  
"DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME!"  
  
The doors slam open, he looks like an elf going into battle, the first one of us he looks at is me…oh no…  
  
SLAP  
  
My face is stinging, the only bloody time he bothers to notice me is to give me a beating, Gyre smirks.  
  
"To your rooms, all of you!"  
  
Guyre pushes me, and Sellen gave him a sceptical look,  
  
"What did you do that for, Guyre, what did he do to you?  
  
Oh my wonderful Sellen, do not stand up to him, not again, the bruises have not yet vanished from your face, don't, don't, back down, please!  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
No, Sellen, drop it!  
  
"I said what did he do to you?"  
  
By the look on Gyre's face Sellen wont be able to lie down for a month.  
  
I close my eyes briefly as Gyre starts to lay into him, why is Sellen such a fool, why is Gyre such a bully…  
  
Sellen should know by now that he's not as strong as Gyre, almost but not quite, and why did he insist on standing up to him, I know why.  
  
He's a forgotten one, just like me, neglected all through his life but he looks after me as no other has.  
  
I love him for it.  
  
"Stop Gyre"  
  
It surprises me when he turns round and stops hitting Sellen  
  
"And what little one, would you give me in return"  
  
I don't like the look in his eyes, Gyre believe it or not you are my brother, and you are Sellen's, leave us be….  
  
"My respect"  
  
He crushes me against the wall, kisses me roughly  
  
"Later, dear brother, I will finish what I have started, but I warn you now, I wouldn't go to sleep tonight, you would make a beautiful consort, I will ask father of what my birth right allows"  
  
He laughs cruelly and makes his way to his room, as I take Sellen's hand and lead him back to ours.  
  
"Thank you, little one"  
  
"Sellen, if you do not stop calling me that…"  
  
I climb into my own bed as he climbs into his, pulling the sheets up to my face as I think of what will happen now * he * is born, will he take over mothers affections, that will leave us with no one to love us, maybe father and Gyre will take out everything on him and leave us alone for once, I hate that little boy, who the hell dose he think he is, I wish he had never been born.  
  
And I will take Gyre's advice; I will not sleep, not while he has me in view as his 'birth right'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AGGGGG,  
  
That was my chapter, AJ will be doing the next (thank the lord) so it will be better, review please…please??? 


	2. Chapter 2.

Disclaimer: Only the unknown characters are mine! Kirin is mine, but I'm letting Elendor borrow him. This chapter is in Sellen's POV, and he is 1000 but looks 17. Read 'When Eyes Meet Eyes' for clarification on these characters! Takes place before 'Little Stranger'! Unless otherwise marked, everyone is speaking in Elvish.

Unconditional Love

Chapter Two

On The Outside

I couldn't sleep…

I kept thinking of what Gyre had threatened to do to Kirin, and the anger had not left me yet. How dared that bastard imply- even think of doing something like that to Kirin? I silently looked across the room where he lay, not moving.

His soft, silvery hair hung freely around his pale face, except for where Father had slapped him, and his light blue eyes were open. He looked so frail, which had prompted the nickname I had given him- 'little one'.

"Kirin, are you okay?" I questioned finally, narrowing my own deep blue eyes. My golden hair was tucked behind me, in a long braid, to keep it out of my face.

He shrugged slightly, and I sighed, before I climbed out of bed and went over to him, lighting a few candles on the way. My soft, deep blue leggings brushed against me, as I sat next to where he lay, and my white shirt hung around me loosely. "Little one…" I murmured softly, touching the bruise on his face tenderly.

"I'm not little!" he automatically countered, before he started laughing quietly at the smirk on my face. "Aw, Sellen…" he protested, knowing that I'd done that to make him feel better. I loved the sound of his soft voice, which was whispery, very child-like. My own voice was a soft alto most of the time, until I grew upset. Then it deepened sharply.

I grinned at him, and Kirin sat up, pretending to be angry with me. One of my arms wound around his thin shoulders. "Kirin, don't let him get to you like that," I said, seeing the pain he tried so desperately to hide. "Gyre is nothing but a jerk." And if he dares to touch you, I'll kill him myself, brother or not, I silently added. Though I didn't really consider Gyre a brother…

An arrogant bastard, a selfish jerk; those were my words to describe Gyre. A spoiled brat who got everything he wanted, including love. No matter what he did, Father always approved of it. I was terrified that Gyre would carry out his threat to make Kirin his consort. Both of my arms wound around my smaller brother's waist, embracing him tightly, as if I could keep him safe by holding him close. 

Kirin murmured, "I know…" He sighed, leaning against me slightly. I could feel the tension in him, though he tried to hide it from me.

Why was it our fate to be the outcasts, I wondered, as I held Kirin. What did we do to deserve this? I could not understand it, and I could not fight something I did not understand. I could only protect Kirin from Gyre, and I did not care how much he hurt me for it; I refused to let him hurt Kirin, who was more gentle than me.

Father only tolerated me because of my dreams… the dreams of the future, of what could happen. They scared me, because if Father didn't like what I saw, or if they did not match Mother's visions…

"It'll be okay, Kirin," I told him fiercely. At this moment, I didn't care about the baby Mother had given birth to this night, as I cradled Kirin against me. "Gyre wouldn't dare…"

"Father won't care," he told me softly.

I gritted my teeth and vowed, "If he dares to touch you, I'll kill him, Kirin, I mean it!"

Kirin gasps, "You can't! Father would kill you!"

I don't care about that right now, not when I see the fear in his eyes. "It would be worth it," I finally said, angry at Gyre for making Kirin afraid, and angry at Father for not caring at all. Couldn't he have given us away if he didn't want us? Why put us through this? What did we do to him to deserve to be treated like less than nothing?

He turned to face me, paling even more than his naturally pale skin. I know what he's going to say; I can't hurt Gyre, because then Gyre will hurt me. Or Kirin…So I gently place a finger on his lips and shake my head, telling Kirin without words that it doesn't matter what Gyre does to me; I will never stop protecting him.

We sit together for a while on Kirin's bed, content to just have silence. We have each other for the support we need, and that's all I need to survive. We don't need words to understand each other. We've been inseparable since Kirin was born centuries ago and he was handed to nurses to be raised, until I took over his care. I fed him his food, kept him clean and dressed, and even taught him to walk. My name was the first word he spoke, which infuriated our father greatly.

The door suddenly opened, and at first, I thought it was Gyre, coming for Kirin. Instead, some of the servants enter, carrying a wooden cradle, cloth diapers, and other baby items. Confused, I exchanged a look with Kirin, until one of the maids come in, carrying a cloth-wrapped baby.

With a start, I suddenly remember and realize that this is the baby Mother had earlier. I was stunned to realize that I'd forgotten all about it, in my concern for Kirin. Couldn't wait to get rid of him, could you, Father, I silently seethe. Why did he keep having children when he didn't love any of us, except for Gyre?

The maid holds the baby out to me, and he is wailing softly. I freeze, until I see Father stick his head into the room.

"Shut that brat up, or I'll silence him forever!" he snaps, causing the babe to cry harder.

I release Kirin and stand, before walking over to the maid resentfully. Yes, Father; I did such a good job raising Kirin, let me raise another brother so that you don't have to. I positioned my arms slowly, and the baby was placed in them.

Blue eyes streamed tears out as he softly cried, and instinctively, I rocked him, letting him suck on one of my fingers. Baby or not, Father won't be happy if he keeps crying. I'm both angry and sympathetic to him. Angry because I knew, from the way Mother had been acting, that this one would be her favorite. I sympathized, because now he was like me and Kirin; he was an outcast, another unwanted child, deprived of love.

The poor baby was probably hungry, I knew. He had just been born today, and already Mother was not allowed to feed him. I only hoped that he would survive, as Kirin had. I look at my second youngest brother, shrugging helplessly. There was little we could do about this. Rejected ones had to take care of their own.

After placing the cradle and other items down, the servants all left, except for the maid.

"His name is Legolas," she said suddenly. "I'll have the usual potion made for him and bring it here." She only glanced back once when she left.

A hiccup caught my attention, and I turned back to Legolas… my baby brother. Little wisps of golden hair, similar to my hair and Father's hair, covered his tiny, newborn head. His frail neck was carefully supported by my left hand, and the rest of him was easily held by my right hand, cushioning him against my chest.

Kirin had an unreadable look on his face, as I walked over and sat beside him once more, with Legolas cradled against me. Soon after, the maid returned, carrying a familiar vial of potion. After giving it to Kirin, she left, and did not return.

The potion was slightly thick cloudy, with little sparkles in it. This was what Kirin had been fed; a substitute for the nourishment that Mother should have given him. I looked at the potion bitterly, but knowing what had to be done. Silently, Kirin slowly opened the vial and held it out to me, scooting closer to me.

I shifted Legolas so that he was supported by my right arm, with his neck protected by the crook of my arm. With my other hand, I took the vial and began giving it to my baby brother with my fingers, not having anything else to use.

We sat in silence, the only sound being made by Legolas, as he sucked the potion off my fingers. Tomorrow, I would find something else to use, but for now, I used what I had. Kirin watched me wordlessly, until Legolas finished, yawned, and fell asleep.

I stood, and took him over to the smooth, carved wooden cradle, before I gently placed him in it. Legolas didn't stir at all, with one baby arm outstretched, and his tiny thumb in his mouth. After fussing with the blankets, I cleaned my hands off in the white basin of water on the dresser.

I knew that the potion would keep Legolas from being hungry and waking until morning; it was made of different herbs and other ingredients, and was intended for babies whose mothers died birthing them.

I sighed, and shook my head, making certain to venture over and lock the door, before I walked over to Kirin, for the last time this night. I placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Get some sleep, little one…" I murmured. "Gyre will not bother you this night."

Kirin countered, "Sellen!! I'm *not* little!" He sighed and nodded, before he snuggled back into his bed.

I blew out the candles, and sank into my own bed, feeling weary, but content with the knowledge that Kirin looked to me like no other. 

I once again drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of Kirin's deep breathing. And once again, I got pulled into another painful vision. Images of people I didn't recognize swirled around me, and I couldn't escape from it. Voices echoed through my mind, and I pressed my hands against my ears, trying to stop it.

An image… A tall, golden-haired Elf with blue eyes, standing next to an ebony-haired Elf, who had an impassive look on his face, though keen intellect shone in his eyes. I didn't know who they were, but as I watched, a figure dressed in black leapt out of nowhere and attacked them, slashing with a sword. Before my eyes, they were killed.

I was dimly aware of crying out, until I woke, gasping hard. Beads of sweat ran down my face as I panted, shaking slightly.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3.

A/n hey you little AJ fans out there! Another chapter by wonderful me. Rape warning!  
  
*Dodges Nukkie thrown at her* so, as you can see, AJ is a better writer than me, but one day, when no one is looking I will blossom out into a brilliant writer… then I will be Knocked down by a bus…  
  
Kirin's getting jealous, oh dear…  
  
Chapter three  
  
Far Too Late  
  
************  
  
Kirin's POV  
  
***********  
  
Look at it, little brat. I hate you, Legolas, I do… almost as much as Gyre…  
  
Lying there in Sellen's arms, until he puts you in your cradle. If that little nuisance *dares* to take Sellen away from me…  
  
Sellen locks the door, and tells me to go to sleep. I'll be dammed if I do that any time soon, but I jump into bed anyway, and pull the covers around me best I can and continue to stare at the ceiling. At night the bumps on it can make pictures, the one above me is a horse, and Sellen has a tree above his, I pointed it out to him once but he just laughed…  
  
I can hear his breathing getting deeper, now I definitely won't sleep. He may be able to help me when awake but there's no way on Middle Earth that he can protect me when he's sleeping. Not during his dreams…  
  
I think he's having one of his special dreams again. Sellen curses them, but at least he knows that he'll wake up in the morning. I don't have anything to keep me important to Father.  
  
One of these days, I'll wake up dead.  
  
He screams out in pain or fright or something. Oh no, I hate this, I hate this! Why do we have such a bad life?  
  
"Sellen! Sellen, are you ok?" I run over and take his hand, he's shaking, and I see fear in his eyes before he can slip on that cool and composed mask he always wears.  
  
"I am fine, little one," he says, but I know he's not.  
  
Don't lie to me, Sellen, that's all my life is; lies, lies, lies.  
  
I almost protest at him calling me that dratted nickname, but now is not the time  
  
"What was your dream about, Sellen?"  
  
Why do you always shake your head at me like that, I only want to help you!  
  
"Tis nothing, little one. Go back to your bed and sleep, you look dead on your feet"  
  
I can't believe he teats me like such a baby. Sellen, listen to me. It's the one in the crib you're looking after now!  
  
Unwillingly my eyes start to drop, I can only hope that tomorrow will be better, as I return to my bed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When my eyes return to focus, I almost scream.  
  
Gyre is standing right over me.  
  
I look over at Sellen; he's out cold, oh… holy… What did Gyre do to him?  
  
"Hello, awake then?" he smirks.  
  
"What…are…you…doing…here?" I question, relieved that my voice doesn't quaver.  
  
"To finish what I started, and I'm bored…"  
  
I try to scramble out of bed, but he catches onto my thin waist and throws me back onto the bed.  
  
"NO, GYRE, NO!" I cry, when he pins me to the bed, face-first.  
  
All he does is laugh, he keeps laughing at me, laughing and laughing and laughing.  
  
I look over to Sellen. Come on, Sellen, wake up! Wake up, Sellen, I need you! But all he does is moan and roll over.  
  
I'm terrified; I kick and thrash about, desperate to get away from him, before he can do anything to me, but he's a lot stronger. His hands tear at my clothes.  
  
"No, Gyre, please… please don't… Please, it's not supposed to happen like this, I'm meant to be in love with the first person I make love with," I plead.  
  
"Little naive virgin, there is no such thing as love," he snarls, messing with his own leggings.  
  
I scream out, as he pushes hard into me, oh, Valar, the pain!  
  
"I HATE YOU, GYRE, I HATE YOU!!"  
  
Think of something else, come on, Kirin, think of something else and pretend this isn't happening. I feel him being dragged off of me, probably by Sellen, but he's too late.  
  
He's far too late.  
  
   
  
To be continued 


	4. Chapter 4.

A/N: Elendor, would you please gain a little confidence in yourself? You **are** a good writer, I mean it! The reviewers agree with me, too! Ok, a bit of violence in this chapter, more angst… Sellen's POV. Sorry it's so short…

Chapter Four

The Price of Revenge

My fist slammed directly into Gyre's face, smashing into his nose hard. Blood gushed out everywhere, as I glared at him where he lay on the floor.

How dared he! How dare he touch Kirin like that! I hit him again hard, kicking him directly in the ribs. An unpleasant smile appeared on my face.

"Damn you, Gyre!" I breathed, wanting nothing more than to make him pay for what he's done. Kirin didn't deserve that; why didn't he attack me and leave Kirin alone?? At least I wasn't a virgin and as inexperienced as Kirin was.

Kirin's still shaking; Valar, I wish that I had not fallen asleep, I wish that I could have saved him from this! Kirin was an innocent… He had been untouched by anyone, and Gyre had just stolen that away from him!

Blood streamed down Gyre's face, but I didn't care, as I vented my fury in numerous kicks and punches, enjoying the sounds of pain that Gyre made. His golden hair was turning pink from blood, but I didn't care. One of his eyes were black now, but it didn't matter.

Gyre sneered at me, and I slapped him hard.

"What does it matter to you?" he sniggered. "He had to be broken in anyway."

"You touch him again and I'll **_kill_** you," I hissed, anger making my blue eyes look midnight blue instead of sapphire. "Believe me, it would bring me no shame **_or_** pain to do so."

From the look on his face, I knew that Gyre believed me; and I knew that I meant it, too. Bruises were appearing on his face, and I brought back my fist to slam it into him again, when strong arms grabbed me hard, hard enough to cause bruises on my arms. I struggled hard, wanting to kill Gyre. A harsh blow to my head from behind stunned me slightly.

"What," a cold voice asked, "is going on here?"

Gyre lied, "Sellen attacked me for no reason, Father!" I wanted to retch; why did Gyre always act like he was so damn innocent? He was nothing more than a sick, twisted clone of Father, who never saw anything wrong in what he did.

"Liar! You raped Kirin, you sick-" A large hand covered my mouth and I twisted hard, wanting my side of the story to be heard.

"Silence," Father snapped, before he stalked over to where Kirin lay on his, with silent tears running down his face. I was still trapped in his other arm and fought hard to get free, while Father coldly inspected him.

I couldn't wait to hear how Father explained this one. I knew he wasn't going to care at all what Gyre had done; that was why I had taken what revenge I could on him. My eyes glared daggers at Gyre, and he smirked at me.

Father merely rolled his eyes. "If he had been stronger, he would have saved himself," he stated, dismissing the entire incident.

Anger boiled over in me and I bit his hand hard, prompting him to drop me onto the ground.

"You're both cruel and demented!" I snapped. "I hate you both! Why did you even have us, **_Father_**, when you only wanted him!" I pointed directly at Gyre, hatred radiating from me like a perfume.

"Shut up," he said, barely acknowledging me.

I shouted, "I won't just shut up! I don't care what you say!" I climbed to my feet and reproached them even more with my eyes.

Father looked at me, a silent warning in his eyes, but I didn't care, as I continued, centuries of pent-up emotions surfacing in me, from where I'd been hiding them.

"What kind of father are you, to let one of your sons rape another and not even care? I wish you weren't my father!" I yelled. "Because if being your son makes me have to be like you, I'd rather die than live with the knowledge of how insane my father is!"

Another harsh blow slammed into my head, knocking me to the ground again. That blow had been hard enough to keep me from being able to focus on anything, so the world spun around me slightly, while Father spoke with his precious son.

"What revenge do you want on him, Gyre?" he questioned, nudging me with his foot, as he helped Gyre up with his hand.

Yeah, Father, be nice to him; he's just like you; unfeeling, uncaring, and selfish! And a sick bastard!

Gyre gazed down at me, appraising me silently. Coldness crept into my stomach; I know what he's going to ask for, as he smirks at me.

Gyre slyly states, "I want to break him and make him scream, Father…"

Father merely nods and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

I struggle to stand, but Gyre shoves me right back down, lust in his eyes. This is wrong, I want to scream. Making love is not something done for revenge, it's supposed to symbolize love and devotion.

His heavy body crushes mine against the floor, but I'm not paying attention. My eyes are on the bed where Kirin is, because I can hear him breathing shallowly, as hands tear at my clothes. I hear them ripping, baring my skin, but it does not affect me.

It's ironic, I think weakly, that only one person is entirely unaffected, as my world… like Kirin's world- prepares to change forever, again…

And he's sleeping right through this, in his little wooden cradle, sucking on his little thumb.

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5.

A/n Hello… You're all gonna hate me for this, yep…  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Death's Door  
  
  
  
***********  
  
Kirin's POV  
  
***********  
  
How could this happen?  
  
Why did this happen?  
  
Am I truly that bad a person to deserve…?  
  
I can't go on like this, I just can't go on, all I have to do is let my grief through and it would all be over, every pain of my life would be gone. No one could ever hurt me again!  
  
But what of Sellen? What would he do, we depend on each other, the forgotten two… No, the forgotten three.  
  
The forgotten three, now that that little brat's come along. What would be worse, to die or to see Sellen forget me too and just love Legolas? If this doesn't kill me, that would.  
  
I can't tell what's going on around me, all I can sense are the tears rolling down my cheeks. Silver tears.  
  
The last thing I remember is Sellen pulling Gyre off of me, and then I went like this. There's no pain or anything here; an empty, nameless void, with no light or darkness or cold, unfeeling Gyre or Father…  
  
Oh, it would be so easy, just to die, just to leave this world of lies and deceit, and go to the halls of Mandos… But could I leave Sellen? Even if it did mean watching him forget me and loving Legolas?  
  
If we hadn't been at that little brat's bedside watching Mother clutch at him, we would have never been sent out by Father, Gyre wouldn't have shoved me, Sellen wouldn't have stood up to him, I wouldn't have been threatened, Gyre wouldn't have come to see me and… so it was all his fault, he was the one that changed everything.  
  
  
  
Just let my grief come, just let me die, please, I don't want to go on… No more…  
  
  
  
   
  
Sorry, that was baaaad! He's sort of unconscious but awake if you get my meaning, in a trance, so he doesn't know what's happening to Sellen. It's really short because there's no speaking or anything, his next POV will be longer, promise….  
  
  
  
And thank you all for saying I'm a good writer, wish I could lie like that, but you've given me a teensy wee bit more confidence, this much   
  
  
  
Luv, peace and Sour skittles,  
  
  
  
Elendor  
  
Xxx 


	6. Chapter 6.

Author Notes: Only the unknown characters are mine! Rated R for rape, aftermaths of rape, thoughts of suicide, etc… Sellen's POV!  
  
Chapter 6.  
  
Darkness Falls  
  
By the time Gyre finishes ravaging me, my entire body hurts. He sneers down at me, before leaving the room, a smirk on his face. He told me before he left that since I was more experienced, I had satisfied him more and that instead of Kirin, he wanted me to become his consort.  
  
I hate him, Valar, I really do!  
  
Pain… that's all I can feel right now…  
  
Blood is dripping out of me, onto the floor, but I don't care. Agony tears through me when I weakly try to move. My clothes are ruined; they cover nothing of me, not anymore.  
  
The physical pain is nothing compared to my shame and grief over being raped. Valar, I can't stop the tears… One by one, they drip to the floor, running down my face… Dripping just like the blood that freely flows from me.  
  
Valar, I hurt so badly. A trickle of blood is flowing out of my mouth, staining my face with its vibrant color.  
  
I try to move again, but I cannot.  
  
I am too weak… too shocked…  
  
I can't believe this shocks me so badly, but it does. Did I really think that if Gyre had turned his attention to Kirin that he would leave me alone? I'd rather it be the opposite… Kirin's too young for this… Damn Gyre…  
  
"Kirin, a-are you all right?" I whisper, feeling the floor freezing cold beneath my mostly bare body. I shiver weakly, feeling strangely cold…  
  
I know it's coming; the darkness of death is calling to me, to escape from the pain… the shame… I can't go, I can't leave Kirin… He needs me… I need him… We're the only two who understand each other…  
  
I still can't move… I think perhaps I will die here, and only Kirin will miss me…  
  
Crimson blood is surrounding me in a puddle, soaking the faint remnant of my nightclothes.  
  
I'm so weak… I can't keep my eyes open…  
  
"K-Kirin?" I whisper again, losing my vision to a black, nameless void, which deprives me of hearing or seeing anything.  
  
I can feel my life seeping out of me, as I sink into darkness… not knowing whether or not I will return from it.  
  
The only humor I can see in this is that Father will be furious when he finds out I'm dying… he wants me alive to use my gift…  
  
Kirin, please talk to me, are you all right? Valar, don't let him give in to death, please… Let him live; let him be spared…  
  
He's all I have in this world to depend on…  
  
Please, Kirin… forgive me for leaving you…  
  
I can't fight this alone…  
  
Not even I am that strong…  
  
I breathe faintly, nearly choking on the blood that is trailing down my mouth still…  
  
It just drips to the floor, joining the rest of my blood… my life, covering my pale skin…  
  
Before I fade completely into the darkness, I moan, 'Kirin…'  
  
To be continued 


	7. Chapter 7.

A/N sorry beloved fans (!) have been in hospital, got knocked down by car (long story) so is that an adequate excuse for not typing???  
  
Here you go, enjoy (!)  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Awakening  
  
***********  
  
Kirin's POV  
  
***********  
  
I was still in a trance when I heard him. Sellen, my beloved brother, calling out to me.  
  
And something snapped.  
  
I wanted to live, I wanted to grow up and get out into the world, I wanted to love some one, I wanted someone to love *me*! I wanted to see baby Legolas grow up, even though I couldn't stand him, I *needed* to teach Gyre a lesson, he was *never* going to touch me, never going to lay a hand on me ever again, and Father, oh yes, daddy dearest was going to *really* get it from me when I grew up, I would cause him so much trouble. He'll wish he never had me.  
  
I wasn't expecting to see what I did when I snapped out of my trance.  
  
"Sellen!" I cried, seeing my brother's beautiful body covered in blood and purpling bruises, oh Elbereth, Gyre never…did he? A wave of guilt hit me as I realize when I was wrapped in my own self-pity, Gyre must have done the same to Sellen, yes, I remember…  
  
"I want to break him and make him scream, father…"  
  
That bastard! I hate him so much.  
  
I try to walk towards him, but my knees give way and I end up crawling, and then I try to rouse him.  
  
"Sellen, Sellen, please, talk to me please…don't leave me! Please don't leave me!"  
  
He stirs and lets out a low groan but his eyes remain closed.  
  
I go round the back of him and put my hands under his arms and drag him over to his bed, some how managing to lift him up onto it, I may look weak but I have some strength and Sellen is quite light. Oh, by the Valar, don't leave me, Sellen, please, I came back for *you*, you cant leave *me*!  
  
He moans again, I hate this; I hate it!  
  
"SELLEN! Oh, Sellen, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry, please come back to me, why did this have to happen?" I blurt out before bursting into tears, and realization goes through me, something is awakened in my heart. I love him. I love him more than a brother should, and I know if he found out, if anyone did, they'd all be disgusted at me, and Sellen would hate me. But I don't care. I don't care anymore. I love him and I'm not ashamed of that.  
  
"Sellen, I love you," I whisper and kiss him softly on the lips before I lower my head to his chest, all the while I'm crying pathetically like a baby. I wrap the covers around us as best I can, and realize our cloths are ripped to shreds, but it doesn't matter, we would have never ever worn them again anyway.  
  
"Come back to me, Sellen, my love, please, and everything will be all right, everything will get better again, I promise…"  
  
And there we lay, my beloved brother and I. Bloody, bruised and utterly exhausted. I didn't have to fear for our safety tonight, gyre wouldn't come back, he was most probably crying to Daddy and sucking up, so we were safe tonight. But something told me our problems were just beginning…  
  
To be continued  
  
…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Ok, this is probably my best chapter so far, and I'm a bit proud of it actually so that's probably for all of your wonderfully kind comments, thanks  
  
Bob: well now you've gone and done it reviewers, she's only gone and got a big head, look at the size of it  
  
Go away, Bob, these people do not know who you are (to learn who Bob is, go and read 'You are beautiful, Little Star', HINT)they think I'm relatively normal, DON'T SPOIL THAT!!!!!  
  
B: *cowering in fear* kay….  
  
So there ya go, speak later,  
  
Luv peace and sour skittles  
  
The original and injured  
  
Elendor and Bob  
  
xxx 


	8. Chapter 8.

Author Notes: Only the unknown characters are mine! Rated R for rape, aftermaths of rape. Sellen's POV!  
  
Chapter 8.  
  
Coming Back  
  
I think I hear someone talking to me, but I'm not sure. I'm so tired that it's hard to keep from sinking completely into the nothingness of death. But a soft voice keeps talking to me, begging me to come back. It's familiar, but I can't remember whose voice it is.  
  
I suppose I'm still in shock, though I am surprised that I'm not dead… The last thing I remembered was that Gyre had just finishing raping me, and I was trying to talk to Kirin, to see if he was all right, and then everything went dark. It's so cold, in this darkness, and I don't like it; I feel afraid and alone.  
  
Oh, Valar, I nearly let myself die!! How could I have almost died? If I died, who would take care of Kirin, and keep him safe from Gyre? It's strange, but I've always cared for Kirin more than myself. For him, I would do anything, even die for him, if it would keep him safe. I know that my love for him isn't natural, and that if anyone found out about it, I would become an outcast in Mirkwood. But what would hurt most would be the look of disgust on Kirin's face; brothers aren't supposed to love each other the way I love him, but I can't help the way I feel.  
  
Someone lifts me up and places me on a bed. Who could it be, I wonder? None of the servants would bother, nor Father or Gyre. Kirin's probably still traumatized after what Gyre did to him, and I can't even get my eyes to open.  
  
I moan, trying to wake up, but I can't. A pair of warm, sweet lips cover mine, but I don't know who is kissing me. The kiss feels right and wonderful, but who is it? I can't open my eyes, so I can't see who it is. Covers are wrapped around me, and someone else, before hot tears soak my bare chest, and I want to tell whoever it is to stop crying, that I'll be all right. I have to be all right!  
  
I can't leave either of my brothers behind; I love Kirin, and while he may not love me the same way that I love him, I know that my death might inadvertently cause his, through grief. And Legolas… someone has to take care of him, because as sure as the sun rises and sets, Father and Gyre won't, and Mother won't be allowed to.  
  
I stir slightly, but I don't wake up, not until after hours go by, and my swollen eyes finally are able to open, and I see Kirin is the one laying next to me, crying on me.  
  
"K-Kirin… p-please, stop crying, I'm all right," I say, my voice somewhat weak and shaky. I don't tell him about Gyre's threat to make me his consort; there's nothing he can do about that. But I don't think Father would risk me losing my life like that, if I die then I can't dream of the future, which is the only thing of value to him. "Are you all r-right, K- Kirin?"  
  
"Oh, Sellen…" he whispers, continuing to cry.  
  
I wince, as I struggle to sit up, only the Valar and I know how much it hurts, and I wrap my arms around him slowly, not wanting to frighten him, especially after what Gyre has done. I stroke his silvery hair with one hand, while my other hand holds him close. "It's all right, he'll never touch you again, I promise, Kirin…" I repeat over and over, forgetting my own pain. Kirin looks so upset, and I think I understand why; because of what Gyre did.  
  
To my surprise, Kirin cries, "I was more worried about you!! I t-thought you were going to die!"  
  
"Kirin, I would not leave you like that, don't ever think that I would," I vow, though I still remember how close to death I had been. "I will always be there for you, no matter what happens." Kirin doesn't need to know that I nearly did die, it would just upset him more. All that matters is that I am all right, and Kirin seems to be all right.  
  
I continue to hold him, as if he is my anchor to the world. But I still wonder who kissed me… The sweet, magical kiss still lingers on my lips.  
  
Kirin sniffs, and I go back to comforting him. He's more important than finding out who kissed me, and I love him so much… But then why did I have such a reaction to a kiss from another? I ponder on it for a few moments, before I shrug mentally. It's Kirin I have to care for now, not myself.  
  
Together, we'll get through this… Somehow…  
  
To be continued 


	9. Chapter 9.

A/N: Ok you lovely people, we're now skipping ahead to the mothers funeral. Kirin's feeling down, Sellen…well no one knows what he's thinking, Gyre's…just Gyre and little Leggy-lulu wont stop crying. 

I own nothing and the likes, not even my dearest little Kirin *cough*notyetanyway*cough*. 

I don't know what happens at Elven funerals, if anyone does, tell us and we will apologise, or rather, I will apologise for me awful terrible mistakes. May I be struck down with lightning where I sit and have dogs urinate on my remains. 

**Little Silver Teardrops**

He's crying **again**. 

By the Valar, does he not know what day it is? Or maybe he does. Maybe that's why he's crying… 

I still can't believe mother's dead and I hardly knew her. 

None of us did. 

I suppose I should be happy she's gone. She was like a bird in a cage, a beautiful, beautiful bird, yearning to break free and fly far away from here - this horrible place, from father, from all responsibilities. 

From us… 

Oh little Legolas, you will never know how much she loved you, and you will never know how much I hated you for it. I will be a good brother now, or I'll try; I don't know how to love anyone. I will try for you, but you almost broke my heart when you looked at me like that, when I brought down my hand on your perfect little face and hit you hard, and you gave me that look. The look I gave Gyre when I was small. That look of utter fear, pure pure terrible fear. 

And all I did was make you cry worse, and Sellen had to shush you and pull you onto his lap. 

I'm turning into Gyre. 

No, I'm worse than Gyre because I know its happening. I know its wrong and I shouldn't hurt you, but you make it so hard for me, little one, you make it so hard! 

Especially since you're sitting exactly where I want to be, holding him as I would. Only I would hold him better, I would show him he is the most beautiful, wonderful creature to walk this earth; one of my hands would be entwined with his, the other would be around his neck, and his arms would encircle my waist, pulling me nearer and nearer till we could each reach the others lips. And, oh, Elbereth! I know how he would taste. I have thought of it and longed for it for so long that it would be so easy in real life. I already know the inside of his mouth and, given time, I would know it better than him. 

Oh, Sellen, is this wrong? Am I disgusting for thinking these things? For I have thought much worse: I have thought how you would take me - oh, you would take me so gently, but with dominance and control, and I can already imagine the pleasures you would bring me to as we learned of each others bodies… 

What I feel can't possibly be wrong, can it? 

"Kirin?" 

My eyes snap open and I am met with the face that haunts my every thought, my every dream…the way he looks at me makes me feel as if he has read my mind. 

Imagine that…if anyone read my mind and found out what a nasty little boy I really am… 

"Are you alright Kirin? You went into a trance…" 

I look up and smile at him. "Yes, of course. I'm fine, really, everything's fine…do you want me to help dress Legolas?" 

"Oh, Eru, would you? Thanks!" 

I grab a tunic; oh it's so small! And help Sellen with our baby brother's buttons…our baby brother…I wish he could stay a baby for ever, just a little child. It's too late for me, but maybe Sellen could help protect him. Maybe I could…then Gyre couldn't hurt him like he does to us. Well, Sellen mostly, because Sellen fights back, and he likes that. 

"Kirin, he'll be to hot with a tunic on." 

"But father said…alright, we'll say that we spilled something on it, then?" I say, nervously biting on my lower lip - a habit I wish I didn't have, for more than once I've tasted blood in my mouth. 

"You mean I spilled something? You can't afford another beating, Kirin." 

Oh Valar, he is so noble, taking beating after beating just for me…and the way he says my name… 

"You must admit he's clever with it, only hitting us where it won't show," I say, touching my side where a red-hot pain is slowly eating away at me. 

"Yes, but Gyre's not, is he? I wouldn't be surprised if the whole of Mirkwood didn't know what he was doing to us." 

"Yes, well, it's only because he obviously can't get into anyone else's leggings! Poor thing!" I say, and Sellen smirks at me; this is the sort of grim humour we have, for it's happened so many times to us now that it's almost a daily routine. 

Is this my life? 

Sarcasm and snide remarks are the only things we can get a laugh out of, and even then it's not proper laughter. We've not laughed for years in this family, save Legolas sometimes. 

He laughs at the funniest things, like if it's raining and the sun comes out; just little giggles, but it lightens the heart. 

"Right, help me with his shoes, Kirin." 

"Fine, which ones?" I ask, silly question since he's only got two pairs, and I doubt he'll be wearing the black, mud covered boots. 

"The brown lace-ups," he says to me before turning to Legolas. "Right, we'll put you up on the bed now," he says, picking Legolas up. I grab the shoes and go over to them, and Legolas flinches away… 

I'm so sorry little one, please… 

He won't look at me; what have I done? I didn't hit him too hard…did I? 

Will he ever trust me again? 

"Legolas? Legolas please look at me!" He turns his head slightly but he won't meet my eyes "Legolas please, I'm sorry, Legolas, I won't hit you again, promise, I won't hit you ever again!" 

This time he does look at me, with round, trusting innocent eyes, and a little hand stretches out to touch my face. "Promise?" 

"Promise" 

"Come on Kirin, help me!" Sellen's voice is exasperated; we're late, and father's in a worse mood than usual because Lord Elrond Peredhil is attending the feast after mother's funeral. Thank the Valar that he's not attending the funeral itself, or "that half-Elf", as father keeps referring to him, would be in lots of trouble... 

I wish I were a half-Elf, for when the time came, I would choose death. 

Can you blame me? I am a nuisance to my father, hated, secretly beaten and raped by my oldest brother, and ashamedly in love with the second oldest… 

Legolas sticks out his little foot so I can put on one of his shoes and tie them up for him; he is only small and cannot do them himself. Sellen's been trying to teach him… 

The door swings open and once again my heart is filled with dread by the figure I see standing there. 

Gyre. 

Sellen straightens up and looks at him with cold, uncaring eyes. "What are you doing here, Gyre? Aren't you meant to be licking daddy's boots somewhere?" 

"Come now Sellen, can an older brother not stop by and see how his siblings are doing? I just came to see if you were ready yet. Father says you're to hurry up," he sneers, before he looks at me with some strange emotion in his eyes. 

Not now Gyre, please, not now, not today… 

"Come here," he says, barely more than a whisper as he goes to stand beside the dressing table and the big mirror that hangs over it. 

I don't move an inch. I can't, he can't do this to me now, not in front of baby Legolas. He is too pure for that. 

And damn you Gyre! Don't you remember what day it is? "Gyre what are you up to? You can't, not now. I won't let you, not today…" 

"Just. Come. Here." He hisses; and I have to, he grabs my wrist and pulls me right up close to him. 

"Turn around" 

I do so and wait for the inevitable pull on my leggings, but it never comes. I look to the left to where his hand is taking something off the table. It's a brush… 

Ever so gently, too gently, Gyre takes the brush through my hair. I see our refection in the mirror, my eyes wide with shock and my face still flushed from the embarrassment of thinking I would be taken in front of my little brother. And his face…his face is something else. He's looking fondly at my silver strands as he pulls them through the brush. Why is he doing this? 

"Gyre, what are you doing?" I ask, my voice timid and shaky, because at any minute he could change… 

Then he starts to speak, not really to me, though, not to anyone. "Such pretty hair…lovely, lovely hair, no one else has hair like it, except mother. Mother had pretty hair, pretty silver hair…just like yours. But now mother's gone, and you're the only one with beautiful silver hair…so like her; baby blue eyes, silver hair…not like my dark ones, or Sellen's and Legolas' bright ones…but big baby blue eyes…just like mother…" 

I see it now, he feels lost. I would turn round and hug him tight, except for the fact I do not know how long this will last - whether he will hit me or let me be today - but at least he does have warm blood under his skin…he just doesn't show he has feelings… 

I say this now, but tonight or another day while I lie beneath him against my will I'll hate him all over again and all this will be forgotten. 

He stops, and plays with my hair, braids it then un-braids it, and then finally lets me go and turns to leave before pausing before Sellen. 

"Hurry up, father wants you downstairs in one minute. And don't keep him waiting," he says, the usual conceited tone back in his voice, before he storms out of the room. We all stand there in a state of shock before Sellen speaks. "Well…I don't think any of us were expecting that…" 

I look at him; he has unease written all over his face. I don't blame him, 

"Sellen?" a little voice asks. 

"What is it Legolas?" Sellen smiles, looking down on him. 

"Why did Gyre not hit Kirin? Does he like Kirin? Does he not like me?" 

"So many questions, small one!" he laughs. I love that; even though I hate the dratted nickname, at least it's just reserved for me, 'little one'. I'm the only brother called that. Legolas is always 'small one', or 'Nier', partly for his golden hair and partly for his love of sweet things, but I'm the only 'little one'. 

"He doesn't like me, Legolas. You're best to forget that, he's just upset," I answer for Sellen, seeing he does obviously not want to say that Gyre doesn't like me. I don't know why, it's not like that would hurt my feelings… 

"Oh…Kirin, why have you not put on white?" Legolas asked hopping down from the bed, and right he is. I am still considered a child, even though I've reached maturity. I must have forgotten that; well, I've never been to a funeral before, and I don't plan to again. 

"Oh Kirin! Hurry up or Father will scream himself into a frenzy!" Sellen says with exasperation. Oh no, I've not made him angry have I? I couldn't stand that - if I thought he was disappointed with me - oh, no, I couldn't deal with that, I just couldn't… 

"Yes…Sellen, sorry…" I say, hoping the hurt doesn't show in my eyes as he comes over and helps me rip my shirt over my head and pull on a white one instead. How can he know that such a simple touch is driving me insane, with his hands on my body like this? My heart is skipping so many beats and I feel like I'm on some sort of drug. 

"Sorry Kirin, I'm just a bit stressed right now. Come here." He holds his arms open to me, and I wonder if he knows how close he is to looking like an angel…oh, the wonderful scent of Sellen! Mmmmm, I love him so much! 

"Ok Kirin, let's go. Do up your buttons. Legolas? You ready? We've got to run!" 

Just to prove his point we heard Father's booming, angry voice travel up the stairs. We were late, again. 

"WHERE THE HELL ARE THOSE BLOODY CHILDREN!" 

Legolas bit his lip nervously and Sellen muttered something under his breath, obviously not to be heard by innocent ears. 

"Sellen, let's go - now!" We run out of the room. Sellen has Legolas under one arm and my hand in his to let me keep up with them. I was never as fast as Sellen; it probably would have been quite comical if we weren't running to save our hides. 

"Where have you been, you stupid boys!" Father thundered, staring at us like we had just told him we had the One Ring and were going to take over the world without him. 

He really looks mad, and he glares at Sellen with hate because as he is older, and is, of course, to blame. It's not like he only gave us half an hour to wash up, change and get to the funeral… 

I wonder what father's feeling about losing his wife, the mother of his children are? He probably doesn't care. When he was told he showed no emotion at all in his eyes, even though Sellen went as white as a sheet and I had to blink to stop myself from crying. An Elven prince does not cry, not even over his mother's death. 

"We had to change Legolas, and Kirin needed to change his shirt, it wasn't our fault…" He trails off, as father's giving him a look that kills. He puts Legolas down but still stands with my hand in his. 

I try and catch my breath; this is it, this is the day I say goodbye to my mother forever. All I have to do is walk through those doors… 

TBC 

A/N: Ok people, there you go! As you all know (I think) AJ's sick, so she wont be doing any more for a while, ah well…get better AJ! 


End file.
